Indonesia

Life is too short; there are many things to do and to see. Want to spend at least one month in Indonesia, especially at Bali. The thought of my walking on the Indonesian beaches, visiting temples over there, knowing its culture and breathing Balinese air just thrills me. Company of someone special (if he really exists) would make the experience even more delightful.  Want to see legong dancers, want to visit Buddhist temples over there, want to visit Nihiwatu beach and want to learn their language. Hope the blissful time comes soon...

Happened to ponder over Metamorphosis again. Surprisingly got answers of the questions that were perplexing me when I read the book for the first time. I could see Kafka more clearly this time and ended with 'ahmmm'!!! Is it the sign of 'growing wise'?  Wisdom and wise are no words for me (I know I am disappointing the Saturn, but helpless in this case!!!) so the only thing that comes to mind is growing. Is it the sign of growing??? If it is, it is not acceptable to me. I object...I do, I do, I do...Oh Lord, please have mercy upon me

I am so very much  jealous of Peter Pan and again helpless in this case.

Life, Love, Loss and Amnesia...

“I asked him (God) for happiness and he (God) refused to grant me amnesia.” 

Can amnesia and happiness be synonyms of each other??? The strange question came to my mind after watching Acid Factory, a rare Indian movie with a typical end, but an atypical theme (and my appreciation of Dino Morea was also atypical. He really looks cool in the movie because of his cowboy look, I think.) Well before the article turns out to be a review of Acid Factory, let me come to the main point. Yeah, the question – can amnesia and happiness be synonyms of each other? Well, I don’t think so. To discuss it in general, no one would like to develop loss of identity, but the good part is that one can forget even painful moments of one’s life. What if one can choose to forget one’s self along with all miserable events occurred in one’s life? Well, for forgetting few sad incidences how can one afford to forget precious and beautiful moments of one’s life? But what if it is ‘lacunar amnesia’? Lacunar amnesia is a gap in one’s memory because of which one forgets a particular phase or a particular incidence of one’s life. Just think of a magical eraser which could delete unwanted parts from your memory note book!!! Wow, it sounds interesting, but not worth trying, I guess, because life is interesting only when it has all colours (dark and light) and all tastes (sweet and bitter). Soothing love is valued only when pain of hatred is experienced. Sweets are sweet only when one has tasted bitter things. Light is appreciated only when darkness is dreadful. One will become blasé about pleasure if only sweetness and comfort is around. But still these things look good only in story books and in spiritual lectures. Who would not love to delete all pain causing and nightmarish memories??? – A masochist, perhaps. A lover who has developed insomnia because his beloved has left him or a husband and a wife, who when got married were ideal for each other and after marriage think they are living deadly lives because of incompatibility between each other, would think that the magical eraser deleting memory would work like elixir and would bring back a joyful life to them. Can it really be so? Well, in my view, no. The magical eraser may make one forget painful moments, but can not bring one happiness. Certain moments, good or bad, are engraved in heart and not in brain and that is why what the brain wants to the forget, heart wants to cherish, however painful it is. The same thing happened with the hero and heroine of the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Joel and Clementine got married and spent two years with each other and then realized that they were completely different from each other, so much different that living together was becoming a problem. Realizing this Clementine decided to go for a process which would delete her memories of her relationship with Joel. Clementine thought it was the only way to become happy then. She took help of Lacuna Inc. and finally decided to end her relationship with Joel by forgetting the time spent with him. Joel when came to know about Clementine’s decision was highly shocked and he too decided to forget Clementine in the same way. They went for a kind of surgery by which they could delete all memories of their relationship from their mind. But what about those indelible spots of love which were there on their hearts? Well their brains forgot each other, but not their hearts and that is why after the surgery, when they met each other as strangers on long island railroad train they felt strangely attracted towards each other. Really, love is very strange, even its pain gives one comfort. Tennyson has rightly said, “‘it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Well when I think of love and amnesia how can I forget to mention Shakuntala and Dushyant. Kalidas has depicted the story in a fantabulous way (unfortunately, because of Sanskrit illiteracy I have not been able to enjoy the charm of the original writing). I think Kalidas took the plot from Mahabharat. While on a hunting trip, Dushyant meets Shakuntala. They fall in love with each other (wow, love at first sight- so exciting!!!). They marry each other and when Dushyant(a king actually) departs for his state, gives a ring to Shakuntala as a sign of their love. He promises Shakuntala that his cohorts would come to take her to his state. (Poor) Shakuntala thinks of Dushyant all the time. She becomes so engrossed in his thoughts that she can not hear the call of Durvasa, a choleric hermit known for his anger and his devastating curses, and Durvasa becomes angry and curses her that he in whose thoughts she is lost will forget her. Shakuntala and her friends implore the hermit to forgive her and to take his curse back. Durvasa tells them that he can not take his curse back, however he says that Dushyant will remember Shakuntala if he happens to see their sign of love. Shakuntala waits for Dushyant’s cohorts to come, but no one comes. Finally her father decides to send her to the state where Dushyant lived. She travels across a river and loses her ring given by Dushyant in the river. When she meets Dushyant, under the spell of the curse, he refuses to recognize her. Finally, a fisherman happens to find the ring and he presents the same to Shakuntala and after seeing the ring Dushyant remembers everything. He apologizes and Shakuntala forgives him and both live happily. Love conquers all…..

I would certainly prefer to appreciate Shakuntala to Clementine because the former brings her husband’s memory back and reminds him of their love whereas the later yields to amnesia and chooses to forget her husband and their love.

Lacunar amnesia, I think, would make life dull and depreciate happiness and amnesia can not ever be a boon. Loosing sweetness of good memories in order to forget the bitterness of bad memories would certainly be a bad deal. If bad memories are pain, good memories would work as a comforting mollifier. Reminiscing the glorious past can make one forget the dull present. “Dard mein bhi yeh lab muskura jate hain, bite lamhe hame jab bhi yaad aate hain”.

But what if horrible past does not let one sleep today? What if echo of someone’s words pierces in ears and kills one every moment? Well, the solution is not forgetting it, but to recollect heavenly happenings, to recall the sweet words told by someone which create magical music and the piercing of the echo disappears. Living under the burden of doleful moments of past is like experiencing dreadful death every moment and living with iridescent memories of past is like experiencing paradise in the midst of challenging present. It is in one’s own hand what one prefers, proceeding with courage and exuberance towards bright future using past experiences as signposts or sticking to dark past and blinded by the dusty wind of painful memories never seeing door towards the luminous future.

Celebration...

The earth seemed very happy today as she had been waiting for this day eagerly…. trees were swaying, with arms spread open, as if they were performing a welcome dance. Orange – a bit red shaded gulmohur flowers left their lofty abodes and jumped down to the earth in order to share her happiness… covered with those gulmohur flowers, it seemed that, the earth was blushing…the smell of wet soil was conveying the message of the earth’s happiness to all directions… Zephyr was inviting all earthly beings to get mesmerized by the magic the sky was performing on the earth… it seemed that the nature was enjoying its existence to the fullest… the spell dissipated after some time and the azure sky turned crimson…it was blushing too, now after meeting its beloved…time started moving again…

but leaves of the trees were still dripping tears and they were tears of joy…

it rained today, the first rain of the season….